What State Are The Simpsons In?

What are the names of the Simpsons? Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. What was Lisa's substitute teacher's name? Mr. Bergstrom. How many eyes does Blinky have? 3. What's the name of Krusty's monkey? Mr. Teeny. What sector of the nuclear plant does Homer work in? 7G. What was Bart's elephant's name? Stampy. What state is Springfield in? Um, uh, well...

Since The Simpsons debuted on The Tracey Ullman Show in 1987, much of America has been obsessed with finding out what state they live in. Of course we know they live in Springfield, but the U.S. has 71 Springfields in 35 states and the Virgin Islands. Which of these Springfields do the Simpsons live in? Or do they live in a fictional Springfield, and if so, what state is it in? Well, let me solve the mystery. Springfield is a fictional town in a fictional state.

Impossible, you say? Springfield must be in a real state, you say? Sorry, but no. Let's look at the evidence.

• The state capital is "Capital City." This fact alone rules out every real state.
• The state motto is "Not just another state," which again rules out every real state.
• Bart gets a dime refund from Apu for his Coke bottle, meaning Springfield must be in Michigan.
• When Lisa is competing in the Regional Essay Finals, we see that Springfield is immediately northwest of Four Corners, which would be Utah.
• On several occasions, the state abbreviation is shown to be NT or TA.
• Springfield welcomes a boatload of immigrants in Springfield Harbor who are being deported, so Springfield is on the ocean.
• Hans Moleman's driver's license shows an address of "Springfield, USA 90701." That ZIP code belongs to California.
• Homer's driver's license shows an address of "Springfield, NT 49007." That ZIP code belongs to Michigan.
• Springfield is 678 miles from Mexico City.
• Fort Springfield was a Union fort in a Civil War battle.
• Medfly spraying is only done in California.
• Advertising mascots destroy the birthplace of Norman Vincent Peale, which is in Ohio.
• Hank and Bobby Hill drove 2,000 miles from Arlen, Texas to reach Springfield.
• Springfield Harbor was shown to be on the west coast.
• When Homer and Bart drive to Edison's Menlo Park Laboratory in New Jersey, Homer takes the exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas.
• Maggie's signal to Kang and Kodos was shown to come from Louisiana.
• The power plant's cooling towers can be seen from international waters.
• In "Behind the Laughter," the narrator said Springfield was in northern Kentucky. However, in later airings, he said it was in southern Missouri.
• The phone company split Springfield into area codes 939 (Puerto Rico) and 636 (Missouri).
• From the top of a giant redwood tree, Lisa could see Springfield, the St. Louis Arch, the Statue of Liberty, and the Eiffel Tower.
• West Springfield is three times the size of Texas.
• Lisa says Springfield is 1,000 miles away from Branson, Missouri.
• The power plant is on Interstate 95, which runs from Maine to Florida.
• Springfield is at least 2,653 miles from Orlando.
• When Homer walks from Springfield to Alaska, the map shows Springfield as a blue star in Missouri.
• When Marge finds paper towels for 66 cents on the internet, she says "Kids, get in the car! We're going to Pennsylvania!" This means that Springfield can't be in Pennsylvania, but it must be within a somewhat reasonable driving distance.
• All the tombstones in the beginning of the Halloween specials provide many contradictions. Jim Morrison is buried there, so Springfield is Paris; Billy the Kid is buried there, so Springfield is Fort Sumner, New Mexico; William Shakespeare is buried there, so Springfield is Stratford-upon-Avon, etc. Also, Walt Whitman was revealed to be buried there in a regular episode (so there's no "Halloween specials don't count" argument), implying Springfield is Camden, New Jersey.
• In The Simpsons Movie, coming out later today, Springfield borders Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky.
• While this doesn't help identify the location of Springfield, when Lisa pretended that her ancestors were native Americans, she said they were from southwest of North Dakotalahoma.

Most of these facts come from The Simpsons Archive: Where is The Simpsons' Springfield? However, I don't agree with some of the conclusions on that site. For example, Paul Anka's "just don't look" trick for stopping the monsters is backed by his guarantee, which is void in Tennessee. Since the trick works, they say that Springfield might not be in Tennessee. But the lack of a guarantee is absolutely no assurance that something won't work. They also say you wouldn't have an Alabama-themed store in Alabama. That's ridiculous—isn't Alabama by far the most likely state to have an Alabama-themed store? What other state advertises for Alabama? They also make many claims that if someone specifies both the city and state they're from, then they can't be from the same state as Springfield. Well, they could be saying the state name for clarity. It's a little strange, but not proof.

Anyway, sorry to burst your bubble everyone, but Springfield can't possibly be a real town, or be in a real state. But isn't it better that way? Maybe there's a little bit of Springfield in everyone's hometown. Let's put this behind us, and go see The Simpsons Movie this weekend.